25. Opening Medley (Sleigh Ride, Make Yourself Comfortable, Creep, Dancing Queen, You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart, Oh Happy Day, We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

Kiki & Herb: Do You Hear What We Hear? (People Die, 2000);
various composers; arranged by Justin Vivian Bond and Kenneth Melman

“Mary of Nazareth? We have your test results!” I have always maintained that this is the most theologically sound of Xmas medleys, and I have it on reasonable if second-hand authority that both Kiki and Herb agree with me. How many other holiday garlands include that tough love aphorism from John 3:16 about Him giving His only begotten son so that all who believeth in Him shall have everlasting you know what? None with which I am familiar, and I intend to keep it that way, because in any other similarly quasi-pagan context it could be a bummer, notwithstanding that it does constitute what the word “Gospel” means and references: the Good News, as such. In Kiki & Herb’s context, it is tough love, but “tough” as in “chewy.” And they follow it with the 23rd Psalm and make it sound like a whole lot of nosh before thine enemies. “So, make yourself comfortable, baby. Baby who? Baby Jesus!” And you slow walk that figgy pudding to these carolers at your peril, not least because they open with approaching sleigh bells accompanied by screams of helpless terror. The record changer is automatic, and we won’t go until we get some.

Note: 25 secular essays about 25 songs, each one exactly 200 words long, appearing one per day (on average) during Advent.